NeS Original: The Ultimate Butler... IN PROGRESS (Updated)

Written By:
Page 1: Stephanie Cooke
Page 2: Simon O'Brien
Page 3: THIS COULD BE YOU!


The Ultimate Butler

Once upon a time in a far away place, there was a butler named Jeeves. Jeeves was the best butler in the whole wide world. The cruel Butler Association did not notice Jeeves and all of his efforts. Jeeves tried to impress them with all his mad butler skills, but alas, nothing seemed to catch their attention.

One day, Jeeves ran into the head butler, a fellow named Max. Jeeves asked Max why his efforts were always in vain, to which Max replied that while his skills were more than adequate, his soul was not worthy of the head butler status. He had to do something fantastic to prove his butler ultimacy.

Jeeves was frantic, and cried out to him asking what he had to do to win their affections. Max simply said to Jeeves that sacrifice is the greatest gift that a butler can give. So from there, Jeeves left with this talk fresh in his mind and went forth to his family and proceeded to clean like the wind.

Finally, Jeeves gave up and sat in his room, which resided in a closet underneath the grand stairs. He sat on his bed and wept like a teenage girl who had just been dumped by her first boyfriend.

That night Jeeves sleep- pattern was torrid,he kept waking intermittantly finding himself riding on a sea of anxiety. The waves he was ascending and descending were his emotions, and what are emotions but unresolved conclusions... In his dream state he was at least on a raft, not drowning, and not a shark in sight(a good sign). Somehow he rode the storm in his mind but hardly achieve manged to achieve any sleep all... waking up bedraggled in his usual state of panic. Jeeves looked at the clock.. "Oh my God!" he winced, "6:30 AM?", half an hour late, the household! He thought.

The first thing on his agenda was to iron his masters morning newspaper. Oh how he hated this traditional task, the Staurday edition was huge, especially with all the supplemental magazines! Then it dawned on him. It was his day off!

The Lord of the Manor (his master), being a reasonable chap had insisted he take at least one day off a week. "Freshen up old Boy" he had said, "Mavis can hold the fort!"

Jeeves felt terribly guilty at doing this as his honour and duty was to serve.But it was his masters request, so oblige he must.As he showered he wondered how he would spend his day. Then he had an epiphany,and his heart skipped a beat. With child-like enthusiasm he decided he would to go out for full breakfast treat at his favourite local cafe!It felt nice to be treated now and again, something he had failed to do lately. If you had been a fly on the wall of Jeeves closet home that day you would also have deduced that here was more than the thought of a delicious breakfast entwined in Jeeves plan and he cheerfully whistled tunes that did not sound unfamiliar to the love songs of Nat King Cole.