Way Back Whensday: Where Is The Baby?

I grew up in the country in the middle of nowhere. I relied on my parents to drive me around until I was 16, when you can bet I got my license on day one. Not long after that, I had saved up enough money for a car. It was my baby. A blue 1984 Volvo, which I named Blue Thunder, at the recommendation of my manager at the time. I loved that car and I drove it everywhere and anywhere. You can tell that it was a time when the gas was much much cheaper.

When I was about 18, my friend Lisa has moved away to go to University. She had left me behind, as I decided to go back to school for an extra year (we were the first year that OAC didn't exist) and Lisa's boyfriend Ryan had work and his family. On this particular weekend, Roger and I took a drive up to the University to bring Lisa home for a few days. We picked her up, along with her stuff and a massive bag of laundry and started the drive home while listening to music, telling stories and catching up with one another.

The car ride to the University was about an hour and a half each way. We were getting hungry, so in a town about half an hour away from our destination, we stopped at a McDonald's. I should probably take the time to mention that it was winter and it happened to be particular cold on this evening. We had been driving for a while, we decided to stretch our legs and eat inside.


We didn't stay for too long, just long enough to eat and use the facilities. We got back into the car and went through the town to get back to the highway. Almost right after leaving the McDonald's, I noticed a police car behind us. We all had our seatbelts on, my lights were all working and non of us were intoxicated. I couldn't figure out why the police car was following us. I had never been pulled over before and I was kind of freaked out. We turned a corner and sure enough, the police officer flashed his lights at us.

Slightly panicked, I pulled over and put on my four-ways. The cop got out of the car with a flashlight. He seemed to be walking painstakingly slow towards us. He was inspecting us and poor ol' Blue Thunder as well. I took a deep breath and put on my biggest, best smile as the officer tapped his flashlight on my window. He started with the pleasantries, asked what we were doing. He proceeded to let us know that someone at the McDonald's had reported us and my car. You're probably thinking that we were reported for drugs, booze, or something that teenagers would get into.

If you guessed any of those things, you would be beyond wrong.

Now, let's flash back to when I mentioned that we picked up Lisa. Of course, we also picked up her stuff she was bringing home with her, along with a big bag of laundry. Here's another little tidbit of information slightly pertinent to the story. Lisa was a fan of interesting underwear. Little underwear with sequins, feathers, furry bits, but mostly just a lack of actual material. You can imagine that, after being at school for quite a while, her laundry bag was pretty big and pretty full.

Right, so now that we've got that out of the way, this is the dialogue that followed:

COP: Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?

ME: Uh... No?

COP: Do you know how cold it is outside this evening?

ME: Really cold?

COP: You were eating at the McDonald's?

ME: Yep

COP: We got a phone call about your vehicle. As you can imagine, your car is pretty distinctive.

ME: Yep. It's pretty easy to spot (I'm going to take this little time out to mention that in this particular town, I was probably the only person driving a Volvo, let alone a big tank like their cars from 1984. It really was pretty distinct.)

COP: Do you know how long you were in the restaurant?

ME: Uh... I don't know, half an hour or so?

COP: Do you think that it's OK to leave a baby in the car in the cold by themselves?

ME: Noo...?

COP: Ma'am, I need to ask where the baby is now?

ME: Wha-what now?

COP: Where-is-the-baby?

ME: No, I heard you, I just don't know where you think we have a baby stashed.

COP: Mind if I have a look around?

ME: Go ahead, if you must.

COP: What's in the bag? (He points to Lisa's laundry bag)

ME: We just got back from picking up our friend from school, it's her laundry bag.

COP: I'm going to need to have a look in there.

ME: Well, it's just underwear and stuff, but go ahead...


The cop then proceeds to open the laundry bag and rifle through it with his flashlight. One of Lisa's skimpy panties finds its way onto the end of the flashlight. Even though it's dark, you can still see the obvious embarrassment on the officer's face. He is obviously flustered when he stammers out, "Uhhh... I guess that's all then. Sorry for the inconvenience,"

The officer gets back into his car and drives away. We then carried on our way and were left to speculate what the hell that was all about.

That is the story of the first time I was pulled over.