NeS Original: The Ultimate Butler... IN PROGRESS (Updated)

Written By:
Page 1: Stephanie Cooke
Page 2: Simon O'Brien
Page 3: THIS COULD BE YOU!


The Ultimate Butler

Once upon a time in a far away place, there was a butler named Jeeves. Jeeves was the best butler in the whole wide world. The cruel Butler Association did not notice Jeeves and all of his efforts. Jeeves tried to impress them with all his mad butler skills, but alas, nothing seemed to catch their attention.

One day, Jeeves ran into the head butler, a fellow named Max. Jeeves asked Max why his efforts were always in vain, to which Max replied that while his skills were more than adequate, his soul was not worthy of the head butler status. He had to do something fantastic to prove his butler ultimacy.

Jeeves was frantic, and cried out to him asking what he had to do to win their affections. Max simply said to Jeeves that sacrifice is the greatest gift that a butler can give. So from there, Jeeves left with this talk fresh in his mind and went forth to his family and proceeded to clean like the wind.

Finally, Jeeves gave up and sat in his room, which resided in a closet underneath the grand stairs. He sat on his bed and wept like a teenage girl who had just been dumped by her first boyfriend.

That night Jeeves sleep- pattern was torrid,he kept waking intermittantly finding himself riding on a sea of anxiety. The waves he was ascending and descending were his emotions, and what are emotions but unresolved conclusions... In his dream state he was at least on a raft, not drowning, and not a shark in sight(a good sign). Somehow he rode the storm in his mind but hardly achieve manged to achieve any sleep all... waking up bedraggled in his usual state of panic. Jeeves looked at the clock.. "Oh my God!" he winced, "6:30 AM?", half an hour late, the household! He thought.

The first thing on his agenda was to iron his masters morning newspaper. Oh how he hated this traditional task, the Staurday edition was huge, especially with all the supplemental magazines! Then it dawned on him. It was his day off!

The Lord of the Manor (his master), being a reasonable chap had insisted he take at least one day off a week. "Freshen up old Boy" he had said, "Mavis can hold the fort!"

Jeeves felt terribly guilty at doing this as his honour and duty was to serve.But it was his masters request, so oblige he must.As he showered he wondered how he would spend his day. Then he had an epiphany,and his heart skipped a beat. With child-like enthusiasm he decided he would to go out for full breakfast treat at his favourite local cafe!It felt nice to be treated now and again, something he had failed to do lately. If you had been a fly on the wall of Jeeves closet home that day you would also have deduced that here was more than the thought of a delicious breakfast entwined in Jeeves plan and he cheerfully whistled tunes that did not sound unfamiliar to the love songs of Nat King Cole.

NeS Original: Aqua Tie... IN PROGRESS (Updated)

Written By:
Page 1: Stephanie Cooke
Page 2: Simon O'Brien
Page 3: This could be YOU!


Aqua Tie

Once upon a time in the city of Atlantis, there lived an enchanted tie name Aqua Tie. Aqua Tue was always sad because he wasn't his own tie. His Master had created him to serve others. He was rented out to merman of Atlantis, for he was made to bring out the best in each of them. It made him the most desired tie in all the waters of the sea.

All Aqua Tie wanted was to be free of his Master and choose his wearer for himself. And although he hadn't tried it yet, Aqua Tie felt he would be a very lovely painter. Alas, his Master believed that Aqua Tie needed to focus on his work and to forget about his hopes and dreams.

Day after day, Aqua Tie would be rented out to the highest bidder. His wearer would take him to the fanciest events and parties in all of Atlantis. Aqua Tie couldn't bring himself to do anything more then just lie there. Aqua Tie sometimes felt like crying. He was just used and tossed away. Why couldn't a tie wish for something more... Something better?

Because he was an enchanted tie, Aqua Tie, if he so chose, could communicate with others through telepathy. Aqua Tie, however, very rarely felt the need to do so... Only to beg his master to free him.

One day, a beautiful invitation arrived in the mail for Master. It was to invite him to a dinner where he was to be honored as Atlantis' businessman of the year. This alone made Aqua Tie very upset. Why should he get all the recognition? It just wasn't fair. Shaking with anger, Aqua Tie began to scream. All of a sudden, his rage caused a vase in the room to explode. A smile would've formed on his face... If he had one.

As Master began getting ready for the party, Aqua Tie waited for his moment to arrive.

Finally, Master was dressed and ready to go. He reached for Aqua Tie and began putting him on. Once around Master's neck, Aqua Tie used all of his anger in the world and focused on becoming tight around Master's neck.

"Stop!!!" it was Bob, a previously inanimate, but highly brightly-coloured mother of pearl-coloured bow-tie, who sat on Aqua Tie's master's dresser, addressing him, "Don't do it Aqua Tie! You will regret it.. Murder I mean. Universal law states no one is allowed to take the life of another. You know this.. and you also know what the penalty is.. your own life. The truth is 'A.T.' if you use violence to defend any cause you forfeit whatever right you had to defend in the first place."

Aqua Tie's master meanwhile (who for the purpose of this story we shall call Chief-Mariner Byron Periwinkle The First) had steadily changed complexion from a deep shade of orange, to red, to purple and now looked kind of blue and green with his eyes bulging out like a rather chubby puffer-fish. As Aqua Tie was momentarily distracted from thoughts of rage,a random release of electromagnetic energy occured shattering the many tall gilted mirrors that adorned his master's room.

"Oops!" exclaimed Bob, "We'd better blow this popsickle stand!" Noting that the static discharge had also blown a hole in the wall and Atlantis oceanic waters were now seeping into the room at an alarming rate. Aqua Tie's old boss meanwhile lay unconscious on the floor.

"Quick Aqua Tie. Use those powers of yours to chuck Byron in an aqua-pod (a man-sized submarine unit). We can't just leave him here! Put him on autopilot with a beacon. Someone will find him."
Although Aqua tie would have loved nothing better than to see his master Chief Mariner Lord Periwinkle The First, sitting at the bottom of Davy Jones locker,forming an edible home for the many crabs, molluscs and other bottom-dwellers but he knew in his heart of hearts that he simply could not warrant murder, even if his potential victim Chief-Mariner Byron Periwinkle was such a despicable, slave-master. So Aqua Tie complied. Using his kinetic powers Aqua tie also summoned a second sub for Bob the bow-tie and himself..

As the two ties puttered away in their aquapod to a destination unknown Bob turned to Aqua Tie and made a confession "Actually my real name is Beau.. but I had it changed by deed poll... just one of those unfortunate things parents don't think about when they are naming their children..."

But Aqua Tie wasn't listening he was instead pondering his freedom and wondering how to solve one of the hazard that artists in Atlantis had faced for many years, the use of watercolour paints. The paint would simply wash away in their watery envrionment.In order to realize his dream as a painter Aqua Tie needed to invent a new type of paint that did not dissolve in water, and also... should he paint still life or nudes? So much to think about? But secretly Bob (aka Beau Tie) was hatching a sinister plot in the wings... he was a 'plant' all along, placed inn the Periwinkle mansion by Atlantis' secret underwater mafia, the Brotherhood of Anchovy, placed in the Periwinkle household,as a 'sleeper' all along,and although he did not condone the murder of Lord Periwinkle by the Mafia he had no problem with the plan to have Aqua Tie cosmetically converted to one of the most irresistable Bow ties ever seen in Atlantis. This would ensure joint- gigs for both at the Blue Marlin Jazz club. Of course now an anti-kinetic chip would have to be installed in Aqua Tie's fabric, to conterract his supernatural powers, costly, but anything was possible on the black market.. Soon Bob (aka Beau) Bow-Tie would finally get the girl of his dreams,Joanna 'Scarlet' Scarf..(sigh!) He had waited so long... Bob smiled a big cheesy, greasy bow-tie smile...(well if he had of had a smile to smile with in the first place!